TRINITYWOMEN on A MISSION: Birthright by Choice
We all have those decision points in life where, whether for better or for worse, our hearts are impacted forever by what we choose. Not only that, others are impacted by what we choose, and we often do not understand that. For this reason, scripture is replete with stories of consequence after consequence for the sinful mistakes people make and, praise be to God, story after story of God’s redemption of the circumstances that were meant for evil and destruction; circumstances turned into fruitful, life-giving testimonies of His goodness.
There is not a day that goes by where I am not reminded of the most devastating choice of my life that took place when I was in college. Many women I know have courageously faced unplanned pregnancies at various stages of their lives with grace and humility, choosing adoption or parenting as a way of successfully navigating the journey of their lives, realizing the reality and facing the truth thoughtfully and with care. I regret every day that I was not such a woman, and instead, in an attempt to “make it all go away”, I bought the lie; I could “have a simple procedure” that would remove from “my” body a meaningless “clump of cells” and my “mistake” would be all behind me, and my future would be intact, shining brightly ahead of me. If there were any truth I could gently tell a young woman who found herself facing an unplanned pregnancy, it would be this: no matter what you do from this point forward, your life has now been changed forever. If you have the baby, your life has changed forever. And if you have an abortion, your life will still have been changed forever. So take a deep breath and consider carefully your options.
I chose abortion. And there is not a day that goes by that I do not regret my choice.
The counselors who work with the women who have had abortions acknowledge the sad reality that many suffer a kind of post abortion stress disorder, deep depression, and emotional emptiness. It is difficult for a woman to mourn the loss of a child when the world tells you that you did not lose a child. You want to turn to the church but often one may fear the eyes of judgment there. That is especially true when some well-meaning pro-life groups use truthful yet horrifying propaganda, such as the accurate photographs taken of aborted babies. They cannot begin to imagine the damage done to the souls of women trying to recover from their losses. Women filled with regret, women made in God’s image, women Jesus loves, women for whom He died. Where can women like this turn for help?
In my late twenties I received counseling from a wonderful woman named Murielle Campbell. I thank God for Murielle. She would meet me about every other Saturday at the Crisis Pregnancy Center in downtown Baltimore and help me to examine the puzzle pieces of the painful experience I had gone through, so that I could move on and experience healing. Murielle affectionately called the women she worked with “her little chickens”. I still run into her occasionally to this day, and she remembers me. In spite of all Murielle means to me, and all the help I received from her, my scars still ached and the bleeding really didn’t stop until years later when I fell in love with Jesus and received his forgiveness.
It is well known that women who have lost children to abortion or to miscarriage mourn heavily during the time of year that these events took place. For me, this mourning took place every Christmas season. Imagine a season where children are the center of attention at just about every event! In fact, the very celebration of Christmas itself is the birth of the most important child ever known to man: Jesus our Savior! For years I was filled with an aching emptiness and despair at Christmastime; even after my salvation experience when I fell in love with Jesus my King, I could not help being reminded of my past. Sara Groves wrote a great song in which she said:
“…And I'm not God, I'm a girl, I confess That I don't have a sea of forgetfulness…” (“All Right Here” by Sara Groves)
That was me – I knew I was redeemed but I couldn’t forget what I had done.
When I married Michael (and Julia – my step daughter always reminds me it was a package deal!) in 2002, I moved to Harford County. I had always wanted to try to contribute or volunteer with an organization that was prolife but I was too shy and afraid to tie in with anyone with those horrible signs. I did some research and learned about a group called Birthright. They seemed different. Their website was really wonderful, very encouraging and I thought to myself if I had seen a website like this when I was in college, things might have turned out differently for me. I started sending an annual contribution their way every year around Christmas.
Last year was difficult health wise for me, and I was weakened in the months leading up to December by a ruptured appendix that put me in the hospital for surgery and at home recovering for almost a month. But Jesus had a plan to heal me in a way that would really change my life beginning with Christmas of 2014. On December 14th – the “anniversary” day for me, I sat in church and experienced Jesus transform my life. Again. The pastor began his sermon with a story related to his wife’s miraculous pregnancy. As my heart was crushed once again with the reminder of my inability to have my own children, I wept uncontrollably. Later the congregation had a time for family prayer and our pastor and his wife prayed the most life-giving prayer over Michael and me. It was one of the sweetest, most important, healing prayers of my life. Later when I was talking to Michael about it, I had trouble articulating what happened. It was “weighty” – like a hundred cashmere blankets had just come out of a dryer and been put on my head and my shoulders. It was affirmation itself. The prayer had a fragrance to it somehow. It was God’s peace and grace ON me. And when we were finished praying, and the cashmere blankets were removed, something left with them – a burden that had been there was gone. I still had to process some things, but a peace had replaced that burden that I knew was from Jesus Himself.
Later that Sunday afternoon, as I processed that life-giving prayer with Jesus, here is what the Lord said to my heart: He told me that I had been wrong for trying to fit an abortion into a manger for all these years. There is no way that memorializing December 14th will ever bring salvation and freedom; doing some kind of annual penance will never make Jesus satisfied that I am more forgiven now than I otherwise would have been. I’ve been redeemed and my name is written in the Lamb’s book of Life – not because I am sorrier now than last year, but because Jesus paid the price and His precious blood is more than sufficient for all my sins! Jesus is the ONLY baby that belongs in the manger. He saw me before the creation of the world and, not being subject to time and space, He knew the date and time of every one of my sins, big and small, as if it were today and the day I was born and forever, and he died for me anyway. He died for me BECAUSE of abortion, and greed, and adultery, and hate and death, and for all the other wretched sins I have committed before then, and since then.
Pastor Phil had preached a wonderful sermon about the gruff animals in the stable, and how they surrounded Jesus with their heavy bodies. Here He was lying in a manger and here they were with their large mouths filled with large, chomping, grinding teeth! I totally connected with the thought that I was one of those animals with those dangerous teeth. He took the chance. For the rest of His perfect life, Jesus surrounded Himself with the lowly, with the chomping, dangerous, sinful and downtrodden. He alone could save them, and He alone could save me. The word for the day was “surrender”. That room in my heart where abortion reserved a space to steal joy and attention away from Jesus was healed and at peace.
Jesus alone is the baby in the manger at Christmas.
Paul talks about putting your faith into action, and I thought of Birthright. I immediately realized that I wanted to get involved in a more personal way – an active way. But I also knew how weak I was; with my heart still tender, I didn’t trust myself to help others in their time of need. How could they use someone like me? I didn’t know how, but I reached out to them anyway. Maybe I could help behind the scenes.
Carol Maglov is the Executive Director at Birthright, and I contacted her about volunteering. It proved to be tricky, because I work full time during the day, and much of their need takes place during daytime hours. However, they do have hours on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday evenings – and eventually I scheduled time for a tour with one of the senior volunteers there!
I walked into the charming house in old town Bel Air proper and immediately felt at home. I knew that if such a place had existed in my time, my choice might have been different indeed! The inviting living room has a fireplace, books, cozy furniture. Women are invited to sit down and relax for a cup of tea and just talk. They are fed if they are hungry. They are offered a free pregnancy test. They are offered free resources on parenting, adoption plans and education. They are offered clothing, diapers, formula and supplies. They are even offered help in finding a place to stay if they need that kind of assistance. But most of all, they are offered relationship. They are offered hope. They are offered time. They are offered support. And they are offered alternatives.
My tour took place in February, and it has been a process. For the last few months I have been participating every Wednesday with other volunteers at Birthright in learning how to help women (and men!) face pregnancy-help situations. And those volunteers have listened to my story, too; they have listened to my tears and my healing has continued, making me stronger. When I first began the discussion with Birthright, I couldn’t even get through a single conversation with Carol or the other volunteers without crying! But now I realize that God has put me there not just to help other people, but to continue the healing process myself. I think that in being there to help people who are feeling alone and helpless like I was, Jesus is giving me a chance to participate with Birthright in the joy of seeing God work in the lives of these men and women as He provides everything they need to bring about good in a situation that seemed insurmountable.
Indeed, part of the ministry at Birthright is to help women who are suffering and hurting from the pain of a past abortion. No judgment. Just healing. Just relationship. And a place to turn to when you are ready to sort out how to move forward from “that day” and discover joy again.
With God, all things are possible! Birthright is proving it week by week, day by day, client by client. It is an honor and a privilege to be a part of what God is doing at Birthright! I’m so thankful that for women who are facing an unplanned pregnancy today, there are choices – good choices – resources, education, hope, and non-judgmental support to be found at this wonderful place of healing and grace.
About Birthright
Initially started in 1968 in Toronto, Canada, Birthright is a pregnancy help center where anyone concerned about an unplanned or untimely pregnancy can find assistance as near as the telephone. Birthright offers services to help the woman through her pregnancy and beyond. These services include support, guidance, education, material assistance, and community referrals. Birthright starts by listening with love and understanding. We don’t make decisions for you and we don’t pressure you. We work with you to meet your needs.
Birthright of Bel Air is staffed by trained volunteers prepared to offer personal, confidential help to those involved, whether they are single or married, regardless of age, race, income, or religion. Together we will assess the situation and explore your options. Birthright’s services are available for both women and men.
Birthright of Bel Air first opened its doors in 1973. We are open six days a week and three evenings to offer pregnancy help in Bel Air Maryland and surrounding areas. We have reached out to serve thousands of people in Harford County, Cecil County, Baltimore City and County, and southern Pennsylvania. Birthright of Bel Air sees between 80 and 100 clients each month. These clients are at varying stages of their pregnancy. They may be first- time clients or returning often. They may come for a pregnancy test, options counseling, ongoing support, The Pregnancy and Preparing to Parent Program, Men’s Program, Post Abortion, or material assistance.
Birthright receives no state or federal funding. We operate solely by donations from a few area churches and many individuals. Everyone who works with the clients at Birthright does so on a volunteer basis. We have a part-time paid director and assistant to do the administrative work. The desire of each volunteer is to simply be present and to help without judgment or agenda. Some of the volunteers at Birthright have been serving for 20, 25, and even 30 years. We believe in the importance of the work we do and we have seen thousands of miracles happen because of it.
If you would like more information about Birthright please call us confidentially at 410.838.0443 for an appointment or visit us at 38 E. Gordon Street in downtown Bel Air, Maryland. Our website is www.birthrightharfordcounty.org.
