THE FAMILY ROOM: Can You Be Lonely Yet Happy? Overcoming Loneliness for Christian Singles
If you accept the truth that loneliness is unavoidable, what can you do about it? I think you can decide how big a role you're willing to let loneliness play in your life. You can refuse to let it dominate your existence. That's a daring approach. If you take a stand that bold, you'll only be able to achieve it if you rely on the Holy Spirit for help.
None of us turns to the Holy Spirit as often as we should. We forget that He's the real presence of Christ on earth, living within us to give encouragement and guidance. When you invite the Holy Spirit to supervise your attitude, you can become a happy person who knows occasional times of loneliness, instead of a lonely person who knows occasional times of happiness. That's not a play on words. It's a real, achievable goal.
Seeing What's at Stake
To be dominated by happiness instead of loneliness, you have to admit that the calendar is turning on you. You have to see that every day spent feeling lonely and miserable is a day you can never get back. I wish I had understood that in my 20s and 30s. Now, as I head toward 60, I realize that every moment is precious. Once they're gone, they're gone. You can't allow Satan to steal them from you through the temptation of loneliness. Loneliness is a temptation and not a sin, but when you give in to it and pay it undue attention, you're giving loneliness too much control. One way to keep loneliness in check is to refuse to label yourself as a victim. When you interpret every adversity as a personal insult toward you, your pessimistic outlook becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Instead, recognize that bad things happen to everybody, but you make the choice whether you'll become bitter over them.
Are We Praying for the Wrong Thing?
As I look back on my own life, I see now that I spent many years praying for the wrong thing. Instead of praying for a spouse and a happy marriage, I should have been asking God for courage. That's what I needed. That's what all singles need. We need courage to overcome our fear of rejection. We need courage to reach out to other people. And most importantly, we need courage to recognize that we do have the choice to assign loneliness to a minor, infrequent role in our life. Today, I'm a happy person who knows occasional times of loneliness. Loneliness doesn't rule my life as it once did. I wish I could take credit for this turnaround, but the heavy lifting was done by the Holy Spirit. Our happiness and confidence are directly proportional to the degree that we singles surrender our life to God. When you do that, you can know joy and contentment, limiting loneliness to the insignificant role it deserves.
Jack Zavada, a career writer and contributor for About.com, is host to a Christian Web site for singles. Never married, Jack feels that the hard-won lessons he has learned may help other Christian singles make sense of their lives. His articles and ebooks offer great hope and encouragement. To contact him or for more information, visit Jack's Bio Page.
Editor’s Note: We are so grateful to Cheryl Joel who faithfully supplies us with material from her many family-related ministry sources each month. She, along with her husband, Tremaine, leads our church’s marriage ministry. Here’s a picture of Cheryl. Please be sure to thank her for her support of women’s ministry when you see her on campus.
